TO 'SAYURI'

she strokes my hair, I look up slightly embarrassed  she holds my hand and takes me to the bed and makes me sit, she seats herself on the old wooden rocking chair. I look at her, she smiles warmly. She was my mum's secretary and handles most of our finances more than that she was a dear friend of my mother mine too... she is the only person I have stayed in contact with all these years. She is a perfect blend of  compassion, passion, beauty and brain. She is one woman of tremendous power I must say.

  she extends her hand to take mine which has fallen limp on my lap, she asks "how are you precious? "  I manage to say "I am fine"  I feel like choking. Damn! this is what I did not want. I was perfectly fine with being away from this place. " have you been to your parents's room? " she asks I nod in denial. "You must... there is much which awaits you." Oh what now??  I can't handle anything more, I hate this place can't stand it any more.

 I am aware of her eyes on me but I don't say a word she sighs and she says rather reads " To sayuri" my heart skips a beat my mum calls me that, well rather called me that I don't lift my head I can't ... she places something next to me and leaves. I sigh!!  my thoughts go back to my mother I dig out the journal from the secret drawer which my dad had gifted me. I still hope my mother wouldn't have read it, it has nothing but people, incidents, the pranks I played or what I felt about something or some one. it still feels silly and childish to feel insecure about a journal but I still feel that way... 

I open the journal and see my mother's handwriting I freeze her handwriting is beautiful cursive and mine looks like something written hastily, I read  " oh sayuri you never seize to amaze me" I don't know how to react. We used to be really close once upon a time but I started differing with her as I became a teen. My dad became my world. She kept her reserve and was always patient. it made me wonder god!!  how can this woman be so calm and composed and poised always? she gave me a feeling of inadequacy in me no fault of hers but...

       She was a woman of grace and elegance, I on the other hand was nothing close to it. nor am I now. I could never understand how one could be like my mum she wore nothing but cotton and it suited her, cotton saree to office and cotton kurtha and jeans at home . one thing common between us is the cotton kurtha and jeans. yes, reading also other than that she was interested in cooking and business and my interest lies in painting,photography,travelling and writing... I look at the envelope and read again "to sayuri"....