Research

      

We enter the board room she clinging to me and Neel walking to my left. There are three people two men and a woman. I am worried that Miss Deshpande might fall, I tighten my grip and she does the same and I can’t resist a smile. We near the table. The first men approaches me and says “bonjour, I am Francois Bennoit” and extends his hand towards me. I let go of her and shake his hand firmly. He turns towards her and holds both her hands and blows kisses on both her cheeks and she flinches but smiles at him. I shrug.

He tells her “vous etes tres belle mademoiselle.” She smiles and thanks him for calling her beautiful, “meci beaucoup monsieur, vous etes gentil.”  She knows French? I look at her. We are interrupted by the woman, she says “hello everyone I am Elena and I think we should start on the purpose we are here for.” The man shrugs and laughs a bit and tells her “Elena tu n’es pas jamais tranquille.” And the woman just stares at him as we take our places. Elena was indeed rest less like Francois called her moments ago. The other man, David was quite. Elena seemed more business oriented than the other two and a bit shrewd. She starts talking again “I am indeed quite surprised to see three young and inexperienced people attend this meeting.”   

Amulya responds “inexperienced? Well ma’am can you please define your requirements for the project.”

Elena replies assertively “well, first the MD has no clue of administration, the CEO is new to the company and has no idea about our tie ups and the creative head is again new to the company and doesn’t know the working style we require.”

Before Amulya responds I chip in “well, looks like you have done your research Elena but you are not right about everything, even though all three of us are new to the company none of us are incapable to handle the project.”

She responds shrewdly “is that so Mr CEO? But if this is going to be one more of those useless we deserve a chance talks, I am not interested.”

I laugh and she cocks her head and Amulya and Neel glare at me. I ignore their glares and talk calmly “there you are again Elena, WRONG! There will be no talk about requesting for a chance. And about us three as a team, then let me enlighten the important points you have neglected in your research. Amulya may not know about administration but she is a Mass Com and a photography student and has experience. Neel has many published works to his credits which are quite good I am sure you might have found them, unless your research is not up to the mark and about me, I am here for the administration and I am not sure about how much you could find out about me but I don’t care.”

There is a knock on the door and Mr kukarni enters, Elena says sarcastically “well Mr Kulkarni you have chosen a boy for the company’s distraction huh? He has no manners of how to behave in a meeting.” And looks at me Mr Kulkarni’s eyes follow hers and rest on me.

I respond “well, Elena don’t you lack patience, do you always make deals hastily, is your talks with the Italian company one of the hasty decisions?” her face pales and she sips water. “Do you really think that deal will work out? Or are you really that foolish?” I add sarcastically.

Mr Kulkarni is quite surprised and asks “what are you talking about Raghav?”

“Sir, after Mrs Deshpande’s death, the beautiful and intelligent Elena here cracked a deal with the Italian Media house.”

Francois, David and Mr Kulkarni look at her and Amulya and Neel look at each other.

I continue, “So as I said Elena we are not talking about any chances for ourselves, and frankly you were the one who was going to waste our time. And now, that is how a research is done and so are we. Thank you every one I think our company will take your leave now.” And i signal Amulya and Neel to leave and they obey. As I am near the door I turn back and snap at her “well, Elena before you waste some more time let me tell you, your deal with the Italian company. Forget your 20 million as we have already made a deal with them for our next project. And as your company can’t bear the loss now they will be more than happy to mortgage it in pieces goodbye.” I smile and walk out.   

    

UNEXPECTED MISSION

 “Well, you clean up good Miss Kulkarni now you just have to finish your make up.” I say.

She looks at me in a quizzing manner and fidgets with her hands which rest on her skirt. And she replies “make up? I don’t want to I am ready to go.”

“No you are not and any way you just have to apply basic things I got you.” I reply calmly, maybe it’s the effect of those sparkling eyes.

“mmmn, about that I don’t know how to use them.” She replies hesitantly.

“What?? You are joking right? How can you not know to apply basic make up?” I ask shocked.

“I do know to apply Kajal and lip gloss, well that I apply most of the days but the rest nothing.”

“You freaking worked in a media house!” I say spitefully.

“When I went on air someone did the makeup, I am sure you would know that but other than that I do not use make up if you haven’t noticed.”

I simply gape at her and think of something to say but I can’t she has left me speech less. I just nod and leave the place. When I return I find Neel holding her hand and talking cheerfully. Oh! What am I going to do with these two? I barge towards them with the petite lady next to me and say “Amulya she is the superintendent of the guest affairs in this hotel, she will help you.”

She doesn’t say anything, just rises and smiles politely at the lady and walks into the room with her. I occupy her place next to Neel and think about the manner less girl’s polite smile. It makes me smile for some reason and relax thinking about her sparkling eyes and her in the formals. She doesn’t look that bad but she looks so different in formals. If I think about it she looks better in her hooligan attire and hair tied up in a bun. She looks good even when she is recklessly on a tree clicking pictures.

“Dude, are you listening?” Neel nudges me with his elbow.

“Oh! What? Can I have some peace?” I say disturbed as I am jostled out of my train of thoughts.

“Okay! I was just saying… isn’t she awesome?” he says animatedly.

I glare at him and he speaks again “do you think she would go out with me?”

I feel strange at his question, but why and without thinking I snap “I do not know and I do not care! Now, if you could just shut up it would be of a great help.”  And he shrugs and stays quite. After an agonizing period of 15 minutes and 32 seconds, I decide to talk to him, feeling a little guilty for my behavior. “Neel your bike is nice, I like it.”

He just smiles and nods muttering “thank you” at that precise moment the door opens and she comes out. Neel gets up and sprints to pull her into a hug. And I just stand there gaping at her like an absolute idiot. I try to look away but can’t. She looks beautiful; I measure her makeup which is just barely applied. I was right about her skin tone, the foundation merges well with her skin, I am sure that she hasn’t applied the Compact. She has applied Kajal, liner and some mascara and no eye shadow. Her lips shimmer with whatever amount of lip gloss she applied or not. She looks at me pulling out of Neel’s embrace and smiles her breath taking smile. I find myself breath less. I sigh and say “you look fine.”

Neel jumps in “FINE? Dude you must be crazy she looks anything but Just FINE!” Before I can respond she speaks “ Raghav, I can’t walk in heels.” And she fidgets again. I am surprised as I don’t get angry, well, what to expect from a girl who doesn’t know to apply eye liner. I reply calmly it is okay, I will escort you till your seat, and you can cling on to my arm. People will think I am just following high mannerisms and escorting a lady.”  And walk towards her and extend my arm towards her so she can slip her hand and we can be linked.

The Manner less girl in formals

The car steers away from the school and the view of Mr Kulkarni becomes distant in the rear view mirror. Why did he have to say all this, I can’t afford to side track myself from my motives but before that I need to concentrate on the today’s meeting and how to make her look presentable. The car pulls near Sigma mall. I get down and find the two idiots happily chattering and munching on burgers and fries. I walk towards them.

“Did you buy a dress?” I ask.

“Well not yet, how long can it take? We will buy once we have had our lunch. Here you can eat this she offers me a burger.”   She says while handing me the burger.

“Thank you but no and finish eating fast we do not have time.” I say glancing at my watch.

They look at each other roll their eyes and answer sulkily “fine” in unison.

We enter a store, she starts looking through some clothes, he joins her and both of them start chattering and laughing. I must take the situation into my hands. She must be sally’s size; I will pick out couple of dresses for her.

I look through few formals and decide on a black pencil skirt and a royal blue top. The top would make her eyes sparkle. She definitely wouldn't have any makeup things with her so I decide to buy that as well. Her skin tone must be 3; I buy foundation, concealer, compact, liner, kajal, lip gloss and mascara. I glance at them and they are still giggling looking at a pair of green jeans. I sigh and head towards the first floor to buy an important thing. Hopefully my guess is right…

I return after my purchase of black stilettos, they are still giggling away. ‘Stupid people’, I think to myself and head towards her and ask for her card.

“But we haven’t decided on anything” she says.

“Well I have, so just give me the card and both of you head towards the venue and Amulya freshen up before I come.” I say irritated.

“But I want to see what you have chosen.”  She says annoyed.

“Well no since you spent your time giggling away you don’t get to choose.”

“It is okay babe chill come lets go.” Neel slides his hand around her waist and they exit. Oh damn i forgot to ask I rush towards her pull her into a hug and whisper my concern.

“Have you done your legs?” I ask.

“Excuse me! I don’t...” she starts with her nonsense, I cut her mid-sentence,

“Oh please stop over reacting and just answer to the point.”

“Yes”, she gulps. Relief dawns on me and I release her from my embrace and say “great, you are good to go.” And they leave.

I finish the payment and head towards the venue, after a quite journey I reach the venue and look for her. Once I find her I hand over the bags. She looks at me doubt fully and goes into the room uncle had booked for us to get ready. Neel and I follow her.

She opens the door finally, we enter. Well she actually looks good in the skirt and that blue top. Her hair casually let down on her shoulders. Neel whistles at her and she smiles. She looks at me and I nod… her eyes do sparkle, I smile at her and she flashes her breathtaking smile.

The reckless and the Avenger

Yes, that is what I thought, I do not want spend another moment listening to you, you can go in the car. So, Neel tell me.” she states angrily.

“I have an Avenger.” He says looking a little confused.

“Great, I will ride.” She says.

“What? You are going to ride?” both mr Kukarni and I say.

“Why? Can’t I? You people can’t be chauvinistic.”  She says shocked.

“No, I didn’t know you could ride, and what about license?” he asks.

“I have an international license and I have it with me in my pocket.” She replies. “Neel please get your Avenger.” He goes and she gives me a cold look…

He arrives with his red Avenger, and hands her his helmet. she climbs on and wears the helmet and the engine roars with life.

“You can’t ride.” I blurt without knowing why.

“What the hell is our problem dude? Who are you now, my mother?” She says and her face drops and her eyes reflect anguish.

Damn! I have to think fast I end up saying “you are new to Bangalore; you don’t know the roads well.”

She looks satisfied with my answer and says “well, you are right.” She turns to Neel and says “hop on, you can guide me.”

“Then why can’t he ride? Or all the three of you just go in the car.” Mr Kulkarni says voicing out my opinion.

“Uncle, I am riding end of discussion. It is Neel’s bike and he doesn't mind.” She asserts.

Neel nods at her and he smiles. And he mounts the bike behind her.

“It is in UB city, you can buy a dress in Sigma or EVA.” Mr Kulkarni says and sighs.

Both of them nod and she speeds of, leaving us behind.

“I am worried about her.” Mr Kulkarni says.

“I understand.” I manage to say.

“Well, get going. Here is your phone; I noticed you didn't have one, take this all the contacts you need are stored even Neel’s you can call him so you can find them and choose a dress for her.” He says.

“Thank you mr Kulkarni, that is very kind of you.”

“ Raghav,  call me uncle, and take care of her and yourself. I understand it is very hard to leave everything behind and come to a different country, with no family, no friends and nothing familiar.” He smiles gently and adds “if you need anything call me.”

I nod impishly and climb into the car.

PHOTOS AND BIKES

“You climbed a tree? What is wrong with you what if something happened to you?” a worried mr Kulkarni asks.

“Well, I was clicking a picture for City’s edition this week and you don’t need to worry about me. Thank you but I can manage. Where is the venue?”

What she is going to a meeting like a hooligan? Stupid woman! I can’t resist myself and say “you can’t be serious about coming to the meeting like this!”

“It shouldn’t matter to you and who told you would be coming with me?” she snarls.

“Of course he is going with you, he is the CEO. Even Neel is going with you because he will lead the creative team for the magazine. And Raghav is right you have to be more formal. Amulya, I know it will be hard but you have to.”

“I don’t have formal clothes, I didn’t get enough money to buy something now.” She says making circles with her feet.

“Are you serious? Not even a pair?” I ask genuinely curious.

Before she says anything her uncle hands her a card, her phone and says, “Take the card, the pin no is stored in your phone.” Then he looks at me and says,

“Raghav, you chose a dress for her.”

“What nonsense, why should he? I can choose my own.” She snorts again!

“I am sure you can kiddo, but he seems to have a good taste and he knows more about corporate things. There is a mall on the way take the car I came in.” he says.

“Neel how did you come here?” she asks.

Why does she want that? She wastes so much of time. “Can we just leave? I don’t want us to be a minute late.” I say.

DISCOVERY

“Have a look isn't it good?” he says still looking at her.

I look at it; the picture is just a regular scene… It was of a couple who were walking with a baby in the guy’s arms. A group of friends passing by laughing, two were pointing at each other and two others were giving hi fives. A girl who looked angry about something and was talking over phone and a vegetable vendor was pushing his cart and he was being followed by a dog.

“Yes, it is fine” I say.

“Fine? What is wrong with you? Look at the colours, the lighting and the life in it.”

Before I can respond she cuts in “what are you doing here?”

This stupid girl is asking me what I am doing here. “Why the hell don’t you have a phone? And why the hell aren’t you in the office?”

“Excuse me I am not answerable to you.” She snorts again.

“I am absolutely not sorry to tell you that you are crazy, irresponsible and extremely manner less and stop snorting you are not a pig.”

“I am not an employee who works in your father’s company, you have no rights to talk to me like that and get the hell out of this place and can very well get the hell out of the company.” She hisses.

“Hey guys can you please stop fighting?” he says.

“Stay out of this” she and I say together staring at him, we see a car enter. Mr Kulkarni gets down and walks towards us.

“Hello Raghav, you found her finally, good.” Mr Kulkarni says.

“Amulya please carry your cell phone around.” He tells her looking at her in a loving manner.

“Yes, that is a good advice Mr Kulkarni and I hope she follows it.” I say and I snort. This girl made me snort!

He looks at the hippie looking guy and asks him “and you are?”

“I am Neel, the new photographer for ‘City Lights’ it is an honour to meet you sir.” The photographer says.

“Oh yes, you are the new photographer great. Welcome to the media house.”  He smiles and looks again at her.

“Amulya, ‘City Light’ is our weekly magazine. Madhurya was proud of it.” He says.

“Of course, she is proud of the magazine, the channel and the publishing house everything except me.” She laughs. “Please can we not talk about her?” and half smiles.

What was the deal with this girl anyway? May be her mother, well she ruined her life like my mother’s. Only reason I pity this manner less girl but I must concentrate on the plan.

I am interrupted by her uncle.

“Amulya, okay as you wish, I came here to tell you that our French collaborators want to meet you. And There is a board meeting a well, the collaborators from Spain and Italy are not here today though I want you to go to the venue immediately so that you can get briefed about it” he says.                                

“Hold on, you are Amulya Deshpande? The one who owns the media house? And you climb trees to click pictures? Wow! The photographer chips in.

hold, zoom and click

I walk towards the school, still thinking about her. I see a small gate and I try to open it, it squeaks while opening which wakes up a sleepy guard. He asks

“Yen agbekittu sir?” (what is it that you want)

“Press, kulkarni madam idara?” I ask whether she is inside the school.

He looks puzzled yet he lets me inside the gate to an open ground which is huge, children scattered into groups. Some playing, some talking and laughing and some others were running across the field making the dust rise from the ground. The dust cleared its path to a glimpse of her. Her sight made me smile slightly but it ceased due to the shock I felt. This crazy girl had climbed a tree and was trying to click a picture!! Stupid woman, I hope she falls and breaks her neck for this reckless behavior.

She says “ nodu hige hidkondu zoom madi click madu.” (see, hold it like I am holding then zoom the lens and click.) And she flashes her smile. She gets down from the tree and pats the little girl’s shoulder, she was teaching.

Another flash, I try to locate its origin a guy, my height but more like a hippie, just like her! She looks at him. he walks towards her, so do I. Before I can utter a word, he starts with introductory pleasantries.

“I am Neel” the new photographer for Medias, so.. I hope you are another photographer, because you are doing my job. He smiles.

She smiles back and replies “oh yes, this is my last photo. I was told that I was going to be replaced by a better photographer. Nice to meet you.” She snorts and smiles again.

I feel like banging my head into the same tree she was earlier on. She is pranking him! And who snorts? This crazy girl is so damn manner less. He smiles back with a confused look and says.

“Oh, well the way you clicked that picture from the tree, I bet you know your angles and positions.” His smile widens.

Wonderful, just wonderful! He was Flirting and dirty talking with some stranger that too during work. What a start, I wonder what she would say.

She arcs her eye brow and snorts again and says “well I just hope your angles and positions as a photographer are good, otherwise you will end up just like me ‘job less’.” And she smiles.

“Hey, that is what I said, anyways can I see the picture you clicked?” he asks.

She fidgets with the camera and he clicks her picture again. She shrugs and gives him the camera. He looks and smiles.

“That is a nice picture, why did they hire me? I wonder.” Finally he notices my presence and hands me the camera. She sees me and freezes.

RE OCCURRING THOUGHTS

I walk towards the 'Reporter's block' thinking about the 'manner less girl' and due to my thoughts and inattentiveness i bump into a girl. I bend down to pick her file, as i do so i catch a glimpse of her long, slender   legs and her very high heels, it reminds me of sally. I get up to return her file.

 She smiles and asks "excuse me, i am looking for Miss Kulkarni do you have any idea where i can find her?"

this manner less girl is driving me crazy! where the hell could she be. I answer "no, i am sorry, i am looking for her too."

she smiles, but i think of  'her' smiling no one's smile has had an impact on me like this before, not even sally's. My thoughts are jostled into a halt by man walking towards us.

Security guard...

"yaar beku saar?" he asks wanting to know, who i am here for.

"Amulya kulkarni" i say.

His gaze wanders on me like a snake moves s lithely on a muddy squishy ground. Maybe due to my accent, he tells " road end, government school, madam story childrens photo, camera." and smiles toothy grin.

"Thank you" i say.

"Thanku thankuu saar" he says i smile and walk towards the gate to search for her.

the girl calls out to me " i will wait for miss Kulkarni in the office."

i nod and start walking when she speaks again " i am tammana shergil by the way."

"Raghav Kashyap." I respond and walk out of the gate thinking about the manner-less girl's hidden behind the camera.

BEGINNING FROM THE SCRATCH

What on earth was that??? i wonder such a crazy guy. Such attitude, what the hell is that stupid i am done with the conversation. I wonder and head back home i am still not able to find a PG or an apartment to rent, i have to do something about this very soon.
                                                                           ***
What did i do? i rack my brain, how could i speak to her like that? i must keep my anger fits in check, though i never had such a problem until the unfortunate moment i got the letter. THE LETTER! relax Raghav i tell my self. Is this the woman mom loved and cherished so much? how can she be the saviour and at the same time be a reason for the destruction of mum's life. What was that dad said about me owing my life to her? this is so confusing.. I have to find out more and stay away from the manner less girl, could she be the.. no she CAN NOT, IT IS IMPOSSIBLE. I slap my self for being so bothered about this girl i close the balcony doors and enter the warm drawing room and try to fall asleep at least on the couch.

I wake up to a pleasant cool morning, no rain but the weather is good, i go to the balcony and slide the doors which disturbs the melodious chirping sparrows and cawing of crows well at present these are the only birds one can spot easily in Bangalore, i look at my watch its 7 am i decide to take a shower and head to office.

I enter Mrs Madhurya Deshpande's cabin as i still haven't found out where my cabin would be, i did not give the manner less girl a chance to tell me about these things the previous day, i could ask Mr Kulkarni, yes that would be great. But as soon as i enter the cabin something stabs me what is it? her eyes oh!! her eyes and that smile, i literally shake my head to stop these thoughts and the door flings open.

"oh Raghav, what are you doing here? and you are quite early, it is just 8 you can come at 9."

"No, it is absolutely fine Mr Kulkarni, i didn't know where my cabin would be so i came into miss Deshpande's cabin."

" I wish she would accept this as her cabin... but she is quite an adamant child. She is in the reporter's block, you can meet her there, have a nice day Raghav."

"Thank you Mr Kulkarni."

NEW LEAF

Of course she was her mother, Madhurya Deshpande, the great business tycoon, the woman who wrecked my mother's life. I had to control my emotions well at least  my face would not reveal.. i was always able to mask my emotions, not that i needed to but it was definitely  of great help that my facial expressions didn't give me away. Sally used to tease me about this saying " oh ra gah v you have a stone face." after this she would nuzzle into my shoulder and give me a peck on my cheek.

Gosh! i missed her, she and i were together for almost 10 years now. ours was a easy relationship, we hardly fought. It was perfect in its own way but lacked spark and passion but probably it was best for us and i don't think i could handle other types of relation. I realized i was in India and had broken up with Sally. Well i could not ask her to wait for me, she deserved better than some one who is so unsure and burning in anguish.

i felt a gaze on me, it was the manner less girl glancing at me, i glanced at her meekly she smiled at me wryly. Whoa! such a peculiar girl with such breath taking smile. I sighed i should not be thinking about her smile instead concentrate on my work here.

"it is okay i am jobless any way you take your own time to tell me about yourself."

 and that smile again! was that sarcasm? and her smile ! concentrate Raghav

(the door opens)

"hello Amulya, and you must be Raghav."

a gentle voice i turn around to find a slim, kind faced man in a suit smiling warmly. This must be the man i talked to.

coming forward he extends his hand and says " I am Anupam Kulkarni the Gm of this company u spoke to me that day. How was your journey?"

finally a sane and well behaved person " nice to meet you, journey was okay thank you for asking."

"No issues please have a seat." turns to her

"Amulya have you given him the appointment letter?"
 
she scowls at me with those un avoidable penetrating eyes. And says "but uncle, sorry Mr Kulkarni he is here for an interview and we have not finished it yet."

"Oh no Amulya! i checked all his qualifications he sent me via email, he is quite a treasure we have found. He has made his father's business twice of what it was."

"Father's business??" he gets a call and he goes out. Her razor sharp glance on me again. No one has ever looked at me like this! so uncomfortable and i hate feeling this way!

She snaps " why have you come here? why didn't you stay with your father's company?

"You gave the answer yourself, it is my father's not mine." her glance softened but why?

"okay, but how can i trust you to handle such a responsible post? do you have Indian citizenship? and why did you come all the way here? why didn't you  stay there and work some where else."

i sigh! " look, yes i have Indian citizenship. You may not understand it but past few days have put me into an emotional turmoil, i do not wish to speak about it, it is personal.. But i could not, i can not stay there any more i wanted a fresh start far away so i decided to come to India of which i have heard so much from my parents, my mother actually so weather you hire me or not i am staying in India. I am not going to explain further i am done with this conversation."

What the hell had i done?? this isn't the way one attends an interview! what if she does not hire me? stupid me i gave myself away to emotions, it has never happened i need this job for my plan! i hope she does not bite the bait i rambled in anger.

She looks at me with a deep gaze and says 'Welcome to the family Mr Raghav Kashyap."

"Excuse me!"

"my mother would have told this." she says and her eyes casting a forlorn look oh this girl's eyes are so expressive...

"Thank you." i say and turn to leave

her voice beckons me to stop

" Are you close to you mom?"

what? i feel a choke welling up i had to stay away from this girl and wanted to tell that it was none of her business to ask but i just answer surprising my self  "I was, she is no more.. but i still feel close to her."

I can't believe i could speak about mom to a stranger, boy this girl is pure trouble, thinking this i start to leave again , but madame FBI is not finished.

"And your father?"

anger flushes deep into me

i snarl at her " I hate him, i wish he was dead. i am done here stop your stupid questionnaire it is none of your business."    

WET AND GLOOMY

I had called my boss and told him that i was not going back to London and was very sorry to not resign in person, well he snorted but he let me go in a perfect civil manner of an English. It has been a week that i set out to search for a MBA candidate who could fit into the shoes of CEO Amulya Communications. But had no luck so far, i turn to the window and listen to the pattering of rain. It has been raining heavily for quite some days now, the weather dull and gloomy. I turn back to my camera and start cleaning its lens...

A knock,

"come in"

a tapping sound of leather shoes on the wooden floor.

i ask "are you wet?"

"excuse me!"
 a sweet baritone, i realize my question had other inappropriate connotations. A giggle escapes my mouth

"I am sorry, i meant are you wet from the rain? because Ranga amma won't like it."

"Ranga amma?? "

"the janitor."

" Well not much but how do you know i came from outside?"
different accent, kind of  from Ireland

"no one who is from the office knocks this door."

                                                                      ***
what?? such a peculiar girl, and so manner less she didn't even look at me once while talking  so much for Indian hospitality. The stupid receptionist didn't respond properly, all i said was ( excuse me i am here to apply for the CEO's post and she showed me the direction to this chamber without a word )

such a strange place whom am i supposed to meet? god!! and this strange manner less girl who is more interested in a camera than a person waiting in front her.

"Are you still standing?"

obviously i am not as manner less as her to sit down without being asked to, i sigh!

"sit down, and tell me about your self."

what the hell, who the hell is she? sitting on a bean bag cleaning camera lens ...

" I am sorry i thought  reporters and photographers were in the other wing and this wing was for administration." I say irritated,

"Yes, you are right. But this question was not an answer for my question."

such a curt reply,who could this peculiar, manner less and cocky girl be??

"Ma'am i am here to meet some one who is in charge of interview for the CEO post."

"Phew! yes, i know and call me Amulya."

what?? she is Amulya Deshpande, the sole inheritor of this empire???? is this some kind of a joke? i look at her more intently. Average looking. short, clumsy in her posture seated rather sprawled across the Bean bag, hair tied in a lose bun or just clutched with a clutch lose strands of unruly hair across her face, peering at the camera. This girl with no essence of grace, poise and manners owned this empire i let out a sigh!!

"If you are done checking me out and speculating about me can we get to the point?""

oops!!! i didn't think she noticed, she was cleaning that stupid camera the whole time, she was still changing it in different positions and peering at it admiringly! what was she trying to do any way? i knew i had to say some thing so i say..

"Miss Deshpande i am Raghav Kashyap...." she cuts my words she is so damn manner less

"okay Mr kashyap, don't call me anything other than Amulya and please get to the point faster."

she says still looking at the camera trying to do something and flash.

"oh i am sorry i didn't mean to .."

" it is okay" i say curtly now looking at her face which is hid behind the stupid camera and flash again.

" I am really sorry, i...." she trails of looking into the screen of the camera.

she looks at me for the first time, her eyes on  me scanning me her brown with black outlined eye balls fixed on me in a peculiar way. I have never been looked at this way, she gets up awkwardly and seats herself on the table directly in front of me.

"Where did you study?" she takes my file and looks at it and before i say a word she snaps and snorts

"MBA from Harvard, graduation from Yale "

Her reaction amuses me, and a smile escapes my lips, surprising me. She looks at me at that instant and her brows furrow. Is she confused? but why? and that look in her eyes!

"This is crazy", she tosses the file and hands me a photo frame.

i look at it puzzled, a picture of a woman sprawled on the floor with a magazine in front of her, her head tilted  to one side as if she is looking at the person taking this picture accusingly yet with immense love. But why did she give this picture to me? i look at it again i see a pair of green eyes looking at me. oh wait! my eyes? i dismiss the thought and look at her soft but well sculpted face her sly smile and it strikes again her dimple, my dimple! i shake my head and give the photo back to her.

"Crazy right?"

"No, thousands of people have green eyes and get a dimple."

"yes." she looks at the photo again.

"Who is she?"

"She was my mother."        

Ireland

"Raghav wait,listen to me you can't decide anything like this."

" Dad i have decided i am going to India no matter what you say, i don't want to speak about this anymore."

" you are too young, you don't understand the world son.. stop walking and listen to me."

" who is Madhurya Kulkarni dad? who is she? tell me this and i will listen to you."

"what? how do you know her?"

" that is not the answer to my question. Who is this woman?"

"Raghav did your mother and i not teach you respect? she is a friend from college, in fact my best friend."

" Best friend? or?? and do not talk about my mother."

" what?? Raghav what is wrong with you? yes she was more.. but that is long back."

"You cheated on mom? how could you?"

"Have you lost your mind? how can you even think i would cheat on sanghavi!! both of us, more than us you owe every thing to madhurya."

"Do not take her name, it is a good thing that she died."

"What?? "

"why dad?, are you sad? more than what you felt when mum...."

"shut up, you have no right to question my loyalty to sanghavi, she was my wife."

"yes, but she is my mother too, your girlfriend was the reason for her death."

"what the hell is wrong with you? madhurya? she could never be a reason for anyone's death.. your mother was an apple of her eye."

"mum ?? but.. what ever i am going to India."

"son, please listen to me..."

"son?? dad why don't you call your child with this Madhurya as son/daughter?"

"Raghav!!!"

"Enough M.r Akshay kashyap i am done with you, this house, your company every damn  thing you are related to you."

"Raghav!!"

"now what?"

"I love you son."

"bye dad."

DILEMMA

I open his second mail,

Dear Amy,

Now that i have humored you let me come to the point about your mail to me. Before i even begin to talk about it let me remind you  Amulya you are not a quitter, i understand very well how you must be feeling about being there but Amy it has been eight years... that place is your home no matter how much you deny it. When you left home you were young and you weren't able to decide but you have matured in past eight years and you are capable to cope and handle the situation. Amy you are Amulya Deshpande but sayuri still exists within you accept her and stay Amy don't run away from who you are... And read the letter your mother was an intelligent woman. Trust her.

with love ( no matter what you decide i am there for you)
Allan

after reading this, i feel a little relived as i always do when he tells me what to do. Most of the times when i am unable to decide i just have to listen to him i have developed enough trust on him that i listen to his decisions with out having to think twice. It is easier sometimes to just listen to some one rather than breaking one's head over something. I sigh and pick the letter from mum ma and take deep breath before opening it.

To Sayuri

I really hope you read this letter, and i believe you will eventually read this if not immediately. This empire is our dream, your father's and mine and it is as precious as you are to us, to me.. i know you will never understand it but this is nothing but truth. Sayuri please don't let any thing to happen to our dream it is your responsibility now... it is an humble request. I trust you to handle it.If i know you well you would have decided to give away the property..

BUT PLEASE DON'T GIVE IT TO ANUPAM.

your mum ma
Madhurya

what? i sigh! my mother has always been difficult to understand. I try to sleep ...

                                                                        ***
she wakes up choking to pitch darkness, gets up to drink water. She gets up from her bed, walks into the darkness to the second floor opens a door

there is a creak

"who is it?" a croaky male voice

"it is me." she replied

"Amulya??" he asked

"yes."

"are you okay? switch on the light. "

"yes, i want to just say i am staying here.. i am taking my responsibility good night." she walks away

"Amulya!!" he cried out
                                                                      *** 

A little amusement

I return home quite late. I am greeted by an angry Ameena, " where were you? we were worried. You did not receive calls.. don't you ever do that again."

"I am annoyed already, please let me be, i am not a kid any more Ameena please cut me some slack, don't make my stay more miserable than it already is." i say and leave for my room. Exhausted i decide to check my mails, there are few from my colleagues and from my boss regarding my return. I make a mental note to reply him once i get my plane tickets. A mail from Allan i am very happy and open it.

Dear Amy,
I am in France, it is very beautiful you must visit it, i am facing a little hard time as i don't know french. You would have been a great help i wouldn't have minded your blabbers.. ha ha kidding as always :-) but a hilarious thing happened. I met a beautiful girl, during the shoot. We got talking and enjoyed each other's company, so to celebrate the new acquaintance we decided to go for a dinner together and i wanted to impress her so i made a list of things one would need to say in a restaurant and looked up in the small dictionary u gifted me long back, while she had gone home to get ready.

So we went to this beautiful small cafe she was looking gorgeous and i thought to my self Allan boy! this is your chance and i decided to make most of it.  A waiter came to take our order and i jumped at the opportunity and insisted that i would place an order. She looked at me a little doubtfully.. alright a lot! but nodded.

i said  "Deux salade  de tomates si'll'vous plait." for two tomato salads, her face brightened and her smile broadened and my confidence grew.

i said "une boutiile du vin" for a bottle of wine, i could't pronounce the place's name and i didn't know the year in french so i showed him the menu. she looked at me, i thought she was speculating some thing. I was afraid of ruining my impression hence decided to order main course in impeccable french.

Hence, i glanced at the waiter and asked for "Deux plat du poison instead of poisson.."

 (i hope you are not laughing.. the pronunciation being hard and the difference being drastic..)

the waiter looked at me in shock  and cast a glance at her in a quizzing manner, she smiled slyly with a knowing nod. He sighed and left. She burst out laughing. I wondered what was wrong? she  calmed a bit and   said "do you know what you asked for?"

I nodded and said " yes for two main courses of fish".

she laughed her musical laugh again and said you pronounced it wrong, when i didn't look like i had understood she explained  " you asked for poison instead of fish."

I turned rouge with embarrassment, she said in a kind voice " my husband did the same mistake when we first met" and blushed scarlet

i mentally kicked my self as i had deluded my self into possibilities and asked her " you are married? sorry, but you look like a college student." she blushed deeper, but i was telling the truth. You should have seen her Amy you would have thought the same thing.

she said that she had been married for ten years and had two kids. At that moment the waiter arrived with our order, i stared the plates grimly and thought that this meal of poisson had indeed been poison for my reckless delusion. But she lifted my spirit with her chatter, she is an amazing woman, i am going to meet her family for dinner tomorrow.

check my next mail
mon amour
Allan

After i read this mail i was indeed happy, that is why i am so fond of Allan, he is witty and humorous and silly in his own way. He never failed to make me feel better even in this glum place and exhausted state he made me smile. my thoughts went back to the first day i met him.

I was sitting on the window pane of my dorm room and reading one of my favorite books ' Memoirs of a geisha' in which a geisha was named Sayuri. After i read the book for the first time i had wondered why my mum had named me after a geisha. When i asked her that she laughed and said " no sayuri, i didn't name you after anyone, Sayuri means small lily very pretty just like you." so i had wandered around happily and became fond of this name eventually. Well about how i met Allan, while i was reading the novel it slipped through my hand and fell out and hit some one on the back of his head.

I dashed through the stairs and went to apologize to the person, i first couldn't find him then i saw a cute guy with geeky glasses peering into the book.

I went to him and said "i am terribly sorry."

he looked at me and said " well miss you will have to bow as low as the olden day geisha would as mentioned in the book and ask for forgiveness," He chided

i started to laugh, he joined in and since then the laughter spell hasn't worn out. He and i started speaking about the book and our friendship clicked instantly. It is very easy to become his friend such a sweet heart he is, i still remember when i told him my mum called me Sayuri as an endearment. He said " well quite apt you do look like a small lily and mocked me for my humble 5.4 inches" of height. As days passed we became best buddies with all secrets shared between us. So he knew everything about me and i of him. We stood by each other during ups and downs, those jogs in the morning with him, innumerable arguments over books, movies, food, travel actually anything under the sun and we had each other's shoulder when one broke up. well his break ups surpassing mine by a good deal,,,, Held us  bond strongly.

i read the mail again and smiled for a few moments all my present worries had seemed distant, now that i remembered them i felt dull but i cheered at the thought of another mail from Allan, so i close this and click on the next one.
   

undecided

I reach the huge office. Uncle tells me to go into mum's cabin, i go in i see the bean bag on the corner with a small table. I used to sit here and colour, paint or read, when i used to come here with mum as a kid. I can remember my excited voice when mum finally agreed to place the bean bag in her office. "Mum ma please mum ma i don't like to sit on chair, you know that please get me a bean bag in that corner." I take deep breath and go to the bean bag and examine it. I am disturbed by a girl she says " ma'am Mr kulkarni and ms khan want to see you in the conference room. Kulkarni was my mother's maiden name. I follow the girl to the conference room.

 Ameena and Anupam uncle both are buried behind a stack of files and papers. I knock, they peer at me and signal me to sit and wait for sometime. I sit and stare dejectedly and  start day dreaming, i hear my name "Amulya are you listening?" i nod uncle sighs and says "here sign these" i take a pen to sign it "Amulya you have to read before signing." Ameena says, "I trust you two in any case it doesn't matter." i reply , she looks angry and questions "what do you mean?" i say " i am leaving the media house to the power of attorney to uncle and to look after  finances you are always there." she says curtly "are you out of your mind?" i don't react why was she angry? Uncle excuses himself.

"Precious i am sorry but this doesn't make sense to me. you must not let go." i still don't say anything she says "listen, think about it and then decide." she gets up and storms out of the room. I can't think why would it be wrong then i leave the room as well and go back to mum's cabin, I see her photo on the table what a woman she was,,, i see one photo where me, mum, dad, uncle and Ameena are in it all of us look so happy in the picture....

 I put the photo away, get up and roam around. i go to uncle's cabin and knock, he ushers me in i go sit in front of him, he smiles warmly and says " we didn't get a chance to speak. how are you? we were always so worried of you Amulya, especially your mother." i say " i am fine uncle, no one needs to worry about me, and there is nothing to speak." he says "Amulya i understand this is very difficult for you but that doesn't mean you should not give it a chance." I nod and leave without saying anything. he calls behind me "Amulya please come back i want to speak to you." I just say there is nothing to speak uncle i have decided what is good for me." i leave the office and take an auto to sankey tank.

i am not ready yet...

i can't open the envelope. i just keep it in a cupboard and try to sleep... but sleep abandons me.. i check the time it is 3 am...  my thoughts revolve around my past, the decisions i have to make.. and to my friend Allan, he has been my support system since four years. He is a photographer though he is from London, he hardly ever is in London, he is kind of a hippie.. when he is not in town i email him. I decide to write him a mail... I fetch my laptop and start writing.

To Dearest Allan,
How are you? i reached India only today and i already can't wait to get back. my mother hasn't changed anything in the house. Ameena still looks as beautiful as ever. Anupam uncle looks a little aged but still handsome and kind faced, like Richard Gere.  I wonder why he didn't ever get married?.. Before i start blabbering as i always do, let me tell you my feelings at the moment and in one word it is "AFRAID", i have to go to office tomorrow. Ameena gave me a letter from mum, it is addressed as "To Sayuri". But she does't exist for me any more i am Amulya  that's all and i am not going to open it. I still feel suffocated here. I will give everything away to Anupam uncle and leave as soon as possible.
waiting for your reply
with love
Amy

I decide to just close my eyes even if i don't get sleep, i toss, i turn and i move in a circle until i see a golden glow filtered through my curtains. I get up take a quick shower and go down to my garden to water plants. One of my favorite things to do. I see the swing where i used to curl up lazily during summer evenings and read.. It makes me smile, i look at the window on second floor behind me as i hear my name. It is Anupam uncle i wave at him and smile. I go inside and have a quite breakfast with Ameena and Anupam   uncle and later leave for office with them.

TO 'SAYURI'

she strokes my hair, I look up slightly embarrassed  she holds my hand and takes me to the bed and makes me sit, she seats herself on the old wooden rocking chair. I look at her, she smiles warmly. She was my mum's secretary and handles most of our finances more than that she was a dear friend of my mother mine too... she is the only person I have stayed in contact with all these years. She is a perfect blend of  compassion, passion, beauty and brain. She is one woman of tremendous power I must say.

  she extends her hand to take mine which has fallen limp on my lap, she asks "how are you precious? "  I manage to say "I am fine"  I feel like choking. Damn! this is what I did not want. I was perfectly fine with being away from this place. " have you been to your parents's room? " she asks I nod in denial. "You must... there is much which awaits you." Oh what now??  I can't handle anything more, I hate this place can't stand it any more.

 I am aware of her eyes on me but I don't say a word she sighs and she says rather reads " To sayuri" my heart skips a beat my mum calls me that, well rather called me that I don't lift my head I can't ... she places something next to me and leaves. I sigh!!  my thoughts go back to my mother I dig out the journal from the secret drawer which my dad had gifted me. I still hope my mother wouldn't have read it, it has nothing but people, incidents, the pranks I played or what I felt about something or some one. it still feels silly and childish to feel insecure about a journal but I still feel that way... 

I open the journal and see my mother's handwriting I freeze her handwriting is beautiful cursive and mine looks like something written hastily, I read  " oh sayuri you never seize to amaze me" I don't know how to react. We used to be really close once upon a time but I started differing with her as I became a teen. My dad became my world. She kept her reserve and was always patient. it made me wonder god!!  how can this woman be so calm and composed and poised always? she gave me a feeling of inadequacy in me no fault of hers but...

       She was a woman of grace and elegance, I on the other hand was nothing close to it. nor am I now. I could never understand how one could be like my mum she wore nothing but cotton and it suited her, cotton saree to office and cotton kurtha and jeans at home . one thing common between us is the cotton kurtha and jeans. yes, reading also other than that she was interested in cooking and business and my interest lies in painting,photography,travelling and writing... I look at the envelope and read again "to sayuri"....

My so called 'HOME'

I arrived at the  'DESHPANDE MANSION', my home. Nothing has changed, the gates are still tall, though the guard is different. I get down from the auto and pay the auto driver. I ask the guard to open the gate he refuses! i tell him that i own this house, he laughs and says then i own this state. I am a little irritated but it is not his fault that he doesn't know me, i call Anupam uncle, he comes gives me a long look. I see surprise and a tinge of sadness in his eyes which reflects my image which looks blurred maybe his eyes are watering but he turns away and calls a servant to pick my luggage, four servants come but i send them away i have habituated to do my work on my own. Even when i was a kid my mum was very particular about me being independent.
        I enter my house and i don't feel good, nothing has changed be it the staircase or the chandelier the placement of the furniture nothing, there are minute changes like the curtains and the trophies on the mantle have increased. This house was to my mum's taste everything perfect and sober. I am a bit sober too but it is a habit i acquired from my attempts to be like her during my childhood. my mum designed this house with the help of our architect, she designed the office too. I feel uncle's hand on my shoulder he says " Amulya you will be tired why don't you go to your room and take some rest. I nod and start climbing the stairs looking at the people who are gawking at me
         I enter my room and i feel like i have been slapped in the face, my room which was mine 8 years back still looks the way i left it except it is cleaned. My novels, basket ball, paintings every thing is in the same place. i pull out the secret draw under the bed where i used to hide things such as slam books tissues from ice cream shops etc.. which i considered important to me. I hope mum would not have seen them though it is nothing but old memories still...i like my privacy. I fall on the old bean bag and for an unknown reason i start to cry, i decide to open the window for some fresh air as it might calm me. i turn to the window. I hear foot steps and a knock i don't turn around then a beautiful voice calls out to me "hey precious" its Ameena  i turn and run to hug her. 

Five years and don't know what to expect.

five years that i have set my foot in India. Now i am at the Bengaluru international airport.A new airport! i exit  after collecting my baggage which is just a trolley and a kitbag along with my ruck sack and laptop bag. I haven't informed anyone at home. It feels so weird to call it home since i haven't been there in 8 years.    When my dad died, i can't even say expired or passed away because his death was so brutal,he met with an accident and his head was found 20 meters away from his body. This devastated my mother and myself and i became numb after that till now i still am that numb. The honking of autos and taxis bring me back to the present . I realize that i have been standing near the gate for quite some time now I take an auto, yes i am going to inherit 50 millions but it is not mine, it is my parents's money. My college was funded by a scholarship. The pas three years that i have been working at a media house pays me enough to stay content.As soon as i finish signing the papers , i will give the entire property to Anupam uncle and go back to my home in  uk. I can't miss work for long. I can't wait to meet Ameena

uneasy

It has been eight years that i have been home. It feels strange after dad's death, i never felt like staying at home. And now that mom has died,  i have to go back
home. That too to sign papers to become  sole owner of fifty million worth property.If not for Ameena i would never come back to India it has been five years that i have been in UK . I never realized how or when my relationship sore with mum but after dad's death i was too much in grief that i could not bear to stay at home. I distanced myself from every other relation,went to UK on a scholarship and finished graduation and post graduation in mass communication and photography.Now i a m quite unsure of what awaits me. The only two people i want to meet is   Ameena And Anupam uncle, i just hope i don't have to deal with the long queue of people giving their condolences.